What does it mean to “listen” in a virtual world?

It’s definitely different than in real life, and probably more compromised than I’d like to admit.

Here’s what got me thinking about this.

While emailing a colleague last week, I asked her if she had “talked” to Erin since Erin returned from her latest trip. (Both live in the same urban area, several hundred miles from me.)

Amanda replied she hardly ever talks to Erin unless they’re in the same physical place. However, they had emailed one another several times.

“Talk” primarily means saying words out loud. However, it can mean to communicate in any way, such as with signs or sounds.

More and more, I use this expanded definition, especially with Erin and others like us who prefer texting and emailing over random phone calls.

Now I’m doing the same thing with “listen.”

I “listen” to conversations, monologues, rants and rave on email, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, blog posts and wherever people gather around the digital water cooler.

What is the quality of this listening though?

Even when I’m “listening” with my undivided attention, my listening can be impaired on three levels. Am I fully hearing?

1. What is being said—especially without an opportunity to ask clarifying questions?

2. How it is being said—without observing the nonverbal behaviors, such as the facial expressions, gestures and other body language?

3. Why it is being said—being able to interpret comments based on what it means to be human?

And I’m sure I’m not alone.

Listening on the phone is better than reading asynchronous text—at least you can hear voice inflections and other cues and request clarification.

Yet, when you’re not physically present, you’re not able to take advantage of the vast resources of your brain’s ability to fully listen, interact and interpret your fellow human beings. It’s as if you had access to a space rocket for travel and instead you chose a go-cart.

Until recently the social sciences haven’t paid much attention to listening—which is an interesting indictment for one of our most important senses.

With the the rapid development of brain imaging techniques such as fMRI that make it possible to study the working brain, social scientists are now focusing more attention on listening. It’s part of their research on how people perceive, think about and relate with others.

As I’m learning in my applied neuroscience courses, researchers now know that our brains are designed to rapidly process signs and signals we observe in others. This helps us be more empathetic listeners as well as better interpret indirect meanings.

(If you’re interested in the science, check out the paper “Mirroring, Mentalizing, and the Social Neuroscience of Listening” by Bob Spunt in the International Journal of Listening.)

In other words, many of us can become pretty good at decoding the sincere comments from snide, sarcastic remarks, and detecting the lie from the truth.

But just because we have these robust listening abilities doesn’t mean we’re using them to our advantage, especially if we work remotely from our colleagues.

Hopefully, researchers will start to tackle what it means to listen in a virtual world and have some practical advice for us.

How can we sharpen our listening skills when being face-to-face is not realistic due to long distances, time constraints, travel costs and other impediments?

Meanwhile, in the here and now, I’ve decided I should practice doubling down on my listening skills. This means putting down my devices, being full present and listening attentively.

Granted, this is easier said than done, especially considering our desensitized state of listening and all the distractions around us.

Please wish me luck.  And if you have any tips for me, please share them. I’m all ears! (Sorry…I couldn’t resist….)