For this year, I’ve selected the value of empathy to support my focal phrase, chameleon leaders, as explained in this early January blog post Why and how to be an empathetic chameleon leader in 2026.

My aim as an empathetic chameleon leader is to practice the platinum rule as much as possible. The rule’s principle is to “treat others the way they want to be treated.”

Here’s why this rule is so effective:     

• The platinum rule is “you-centric.” It requires the “chameleon’s” observation skill. You have to watch, listen, and then “change color” to match what the other person needs to feel safe, be seen and heard, and perform well. When chameleons change colors, they adapt so others can succeed. In other words, adaptation and agility are a service to the people they lead and work with.
• By contrast, the more common golden rule is “me-centric.” I treat you how I like to be treated. This can actually be unempathetic if the other person has different needs. For example, if you tell me that you like phone calls, and I only text or email you, which are my preferences, you’ll think I’m insensitive and uncaring, and maybe even selfish and rude too.

Yet, compared to golden rule, the platinum rule is not well known and often hard to practice. Why? Consider these psychological and historical reasons:

• The “cognitive load” burden

In terms of mental energy, the platinum rule is expensive to apply. You’ve got to take three steps, which can be difficult to do consistently:

1. Suspending your ego: Acknowledging that your preferences aren’t universal.
2. Observing: Studying other peoples’ “internal operating systems,” namely their communication style, fears, and motivators. (And if you don’t know the individuals all that well, you’ve got to invest time to learn about them.)
3. Adapting: Overcoming your own natural habits so you’ll “speak” others’ languages. Plus, you’ve got to remember the preferences of each person you interact with and then practice their preferences.

By contrast, the golden rule requires a lot less brain power. To follow it, you only need to check in with yourself: “How would I feel if this person did X to me? Okay, here’s what I’ll do….” This is basically a one-step, economical mental process. The golden rule is the path of least resistance, which makes it the easy default to use.

• The “projection bias”

As mentioned in #1, we humans often subconsciously assume that everyone is like us and shares our preferences. (As one of my neuroscience professors liked to say, “Anyone who has a brain is biased.”) For example, when we meet people we immediately like and we discover we are able to work relatively well together, we may automatically think they share our beliefs, values, and reactions. This is projection bias.

As another example, if you are direct, you may assume everyone else likes direct communication too. You forget to observe or ask others’ their preferences. Yet if you’re talking with someone who prefers softer, indirect communication, they can interpret your directness as rudeness. If you apply the golden rule in this situation, you could be viewed as more hurtful than kind because you didn’t account for the difference in brain wiring between the two of you.

• Cultural and religious “legacy”

The platinum rule was popularized in the late 1970s, almost 50 years ago, primarily by Dr. Tony Alessandra. The rule is a professional relational tool for a globalized, diverse world where we frequently interact with people different from us.

By contrast, the golden rule has a 2,000-year head start. It’s embedded in the DNA of almost every major religion and philosophy. The golden rule fits “tribal” survival: “If I don’t hit you, you won’t hit me.”

• The fear of being “fake”

Even when people know about the platinum rule, some resist using it because it makes them feel that they’re being inauthentic. It’s the idea that “If I change my delivery to match someone else, I’m not being ‘true to myself.'”

However, those who practice the platinum rule—especially chameleon leaders—aren’t being fake. Instead we’re adapting our style to meet others’ needs to make it easier for them to understand our words and actions.

From my experience, applying the platinum rule is worth the effort. Yet even though I’m okay doing heavy lifting to practice it, I may not succeed all the time due to hard work required, which includes:

• Data gathering — that is understanding how others want to be treated, which means observing and/or asking.
• Remembering preferences and then adjusting my style to respond to others’ needs and/or requests – which means sucking it up if anyone wants phone calls….. (my least favorite communication mode unless scheduled.)
• Refining my approach and even apologizing when things don’t go as well as planned.

Yet in this era of extreme polarization and echo chambers, I’m going to try hard to adjust to others in order to practice the platinum rule and be empathetic, which will help me connect with them better.

If you’re interested in being more transparent as well as empathetic with your team members, you can draft a brief “how we best work with one another” statement to explain how you lead and the best way to communicate with you.

For example, regardless of which rule you prefer using (platinum or golden), you can be explicit about the following:

• Your leadership philosophy
• Your values; what people can count on you for
• Actions to get the best out of you, often around your communication preferences, decision-making approach, and how and when to deliver feedback.
• Watch-outs, that is, any particulars that concern you (such as missed deadlines or whatever), any time constraints you might have (such as needing to leave early on certain days for family commitments), or any idiosyncrasies that might be helpful to know.

All of us, especially leaders, need to role model being kind and cooperative as well as communicating clearly. These actions help us connect emotionally and relate better to each other.