How your high touch connections help you be a better human

by | Jan 25, 2025 | Blog | 0 comments

What do Intentional Change Theory (ICT) and “connective labor” have in common with each other? At first glance, nothing.

However, after recently reading two 2024 books on these topics, I realized both address the value of strong, mutual human relationships built on shared purpose, vulnerability, and spontaneity to stimulate behavior change.

What’s the “what?” We need to lean into our feelings and resist technology’s march toward standardization, automation, and ever more increased efficiency and productivity regarding our human relationships.

Why? We humans are naturally more individualistic – that is high-touch and artisanal – not bureaucratic, mechanized or soulless — in our interactions with one another, which is worth not only preserving but also strengthening.

When we humans work together, we collaborate and achieve great things. We also help each other make sense of our experiences by observing, reading body language and emotions, and listening deeply, both to the words said and the feelings underneath the surface. When we mirror back what we’ve seen and heard, which is hard for individuals to do on their own, we can validate, offer hope, and motivate – all actions that technology cannot do – yet. (Some of us, especially those who’ve received training in these skills as well regularly practice them are better at  this; however, we’re all capable.) And we enjoy each other’s company, which provides us “social fitness.”

On the downside, when we’re interacting with other humans, we sometimes misinterpret what we see and hear, make mistakes and act unpredictably. As a result, we can frustrate one another  and contribute to tensions rather  than ease them.. That leads to a whole range of other issues that we then ignore, manage or resolve.

High-touch human relationships, powerful yet unpredictable and potentially provoking, are the link between these two books: The Science of Change: Discovering Sustained, Desired Change from Individuals to Organizations and Communities by Dr. Richard Boyatzis at Case Western Reserve and The Last Human Job: The Work of Connecting in a Disconnected Worldby Dr. Allison Pugh at the University of Virginia.

Both authors, citing their own and others’ research and their experiences, demonstrate the unique benefits of two types of human connections:

  • The Science of Change describes “resonant relationships,” deep and meaningful connections between two people generally in an organizational setting to support intentional change theory, which is the book’s main focus. Individuals agree on sharing a vision, compassion, and energy. They act independently yet still are in tune with one another as they show how they care, play together and work together, which in turn helps them support  one another in personal growth and development. (Yes, both individuals benefits from resonant relationships in multiple ways even if one is coaching the other.)
  • The Last Human Job features the concept of “connective labor.”  This work relies on making an emotional connection with another human, understanding who they are and what they need, and being empathetic to create worthwhile outcomes. Examples include teachers supporting students, health care workers treating patients, clergy and other helping and healing professionals providing solace and guidance. The book shines a spotlight on the ways humans, especially those who have received specific training, help others in comprehensive ways, even life-changing and lifesaving. Yet even though these connections and services are valuable, both the providers and receivers of connective labor are experiencing challenges.

The threats to connective labor are many, which Dr. Pugh came to understand after conducting more than 100 in-depth interviews for her book and observing a wide range of professionals practicing “connective labor” such as physicians, therapists, chaplains, teachers, coaches, caregivers, and hairdressers over a five-year period.

For instance, technology has created more work for both workers and those receiving services. That’s because many connective labor specialists have to record and monitor their actions on apps , adding more work to their jobs. Dr. Pugh calls this “scripting and counting”—trying to standardize protocols plus counting to quantify ways to try to improve efficiencies and productivity. Scripting and counting are key tools for for-profit companies.

“Scripting and counting” trends involve restructuring workflows, squeezing appointments,  and  increasing patient/customer loads. This shrinks the time for workers to connect with their clients and customers and build relationships. Yet it adds time to the connective laborers’ workdays. For example, physicians can spend about six hours on the electronic health record for every eight hours for patient scheduled time.

As Dr. Pugh explains, employers and policymakers are attempting to use measurement, efficiency and productivity goals for work that is personal, custom and emotional and provides dignity and integrity.

Bottom line, Dr. Pugh’s somber conclusion: “Being able to have a human attend to your needs has become a luxury good.” Wealthy individuals can receive personalized care in return for the dollars they’re willing to spend. But everyone else who can’t afford high-end personalized services has to endure long waits for 15-minute appointments, use apps to personalize services and learnings, and use self-checkouts services.

Considering the rapid development of AI combined with labor-saving technologies, to what degree will we continue to honor and respect jobs with high levels of human interaction? For example, in the not so distant future, will we still expect leaders in regular workplaces to provide “high touch” attention to their direct reports and other team members?

Maybe by moving away from our “thinking economy” to a more “feeling economy,” we can create more social intimacy that we often discount but actually value.

If so, those involved in connective labor, intentional change theory, and other one-on-one interactions have more opportunities to embrace their humanity and make a bigger impact.

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